How To Make Good Decisions

From a talk given to Young Adults in Adelaide, South Australia

I have seen many of you in my mind as I have pondered and written this talk. I have considered your circumstances and some of the challenges that are before you. The Lord has given me many impressions to share with you in this brief talk. I pray that the Holy Ghost will teach us all and impress upon us the things the Lord
As we commence another year you have been on my mind and in my heart. I have thought regularly about the many important daily decisions you will make this year which will shape the rest of your life. Decisions that will not just shape your life here on earth, but also your eternal life. As President Thomas S Monson said "I can’t stress too strongly that decisions determine destiny. You can’t make eternal decisions without eternal consequences.”

So I’d like to share with you some of my thoughts and experiences into decision making. Some people are good at making good decisions, some people are good at making bad decisions. How does that even happen? No one knowingly makes a bad decision do they? No one says “I’ve got a couple of options here but I’m going to choose the bad option, the one that will bring me sadness, misery and regret.” Yet somehow this happens time and time again.

At the heart of of our very purpose on earth is the ability for us to make decisions and choose. This is the essence of the Plan of Heavenly Father that we can make choices that help prepare us 1) to be like him and 2) return to dwell in his presence. It’s really that simple - that our faith, obedience, covenants, service and sacrifice all help us become more like him. And striving in those areas helps us return to dwell in his presence because the Saviour’s atonement. This week in Come Follow Me we read in 2 Nephi 10:23 “wherefore cheer up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves - to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.’ Sometimes we bemoan the fact that we have so many choices to make “oh I don’t know what to do” - but Jacob is telling us to cheer up, be grateful that we are free to act for ourselves  and let’s go and choose the way of eternal life.

1. You Need a Vision and Purpose For Your Life

In Lewis Carrol's Alice in Wonderland, Alice comes to a number of pathways and says to herself “I wonder which way I ought to go” when the mysterious Chesire Cat appears.

Alice says:“I just wanted to ask you which way I ought to go?’

'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat.

'I don't much care where -' said Alice.

'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.

'- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.

'Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, 'if you only walk long enough.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Too many of us are like Alice. We don’t really have a vision for where we’re going and so we take any path that comes along.

My brother in law was flying from Brisbane to Sydney last weekend and with all the rain his plane was delayed about 8 hours. Finally at 8pm they were able to take off. They made it to Sydney but the conditions were so bad they couldn’t land and the plane flew back to Brisbane! He had to stay at a hotel overnight and the next morning had to catch a plane north to Cairns, then swap to a plane to Sydney where he finally made it home. He knew where he needed to get to. If he didn’t and it didn’t matter he could have easily stayed in Brisbane or hopped off in Cairns - it would have been much quicker and less frustrating. But he had a destination and although it took a long time to get there, he stuck with it.

And so it is with many of the most worthwhile endeavours of our lives. They are not always easy, they can be challenging and frustrating - but when we know where we’re going then we can focus on the end goal.

I encourage you to take the time and thought to create a vision for your life. What is most important to you? What personal attributes are most important for you to develop? What values are important to you? What does your activity and service in the Church look like? What type of family environment will you have? How will you treat your spouse and children?

If you create a vision now it doesn’t mean it can’t be tweaked over the years as you mature and grow. We sometimes don’t even start the process of creating a vision because we tell ourselves things like “I don’t know what I’m going to study”, “I don’t know what job I want to do”, “I don’t know who I'm going to date, let alone who I’m going to marry”. Many of the finer details we simply don’t know, but we can have a vision for the person we want to be and the life we want to create. The details of the person we marry and the jobs we have and the place we live are filled in over the years of life. We often want to know it all in advance and put off planning for the future because we don’t know the specifics - but there is danger in failing to plan.

When I was a young adult I watched couples holding hands walk past where I worked. I knew I wanted to be a loving husband to a loving wife where we walking around holding hands. I drove to work early on a Saturday morning and drove past schools where the kids were warming up for their Saturday morning sports. I knew that one day I wanted to take my kids to sports and I looked forward to that. I knew I wanted to work hard to support my family and be financially self reliant so my unknown future wife and I could serve missions years in the future. Even after finishing a university degree, I was working part time in a Vodafone store at the time in my early 20's, and I didn’t know what career I would pursue, but I had a vision of some of the most important aspects of my life. And because of the vision I had, I made decisions that would help me get there. I would need to be a faithful and righteous, covenant keeping man.

If you’re like Alice and you don’t know where you’re going, then your decisions will take you all over the place - and you might not like the place you end up.
Take the time to write down a vision for your life. Richard G Scott said: "Find a retreat of peace and quiet where periodically you can ponder and let the Lord establish the direction of your life. Each of us needs to periodically check our bearings and confirm that we are on course." (First Things First, General Conference, April 2001)

Consult your patriarchal blessing, consult the Lord in prayer, consult your parents and trusted leaders and peers - but don’t let any more time drift away without a vision and purpose for your life.

2. See Things As They Really Are

In Jacob 4:13 Jacob teaches “the Spirit speaketh the truth and lieth not. Wherefore, it speaketh of things as they really are, and of things as they really will be; wherefore these things are manifested unto us plainly, for the salvation of our souls” (emphasis added).

The phrase I want to focus on, is that the Spirit will speak of "things as they really are". Perhaps the most critical aspect of our ability to make good decisions rests on our ability to see things as they really are. If we have misjudged or misunderstood a situation then our ability to make good decisions is impaired.

Years ago a friend told of his experiences training with the special teams in the Air Force. In training they would be pushed to their limits to show them what happens to their decision making under extreme pressure. On one occasion the trainees were taken up in planes and as the altitude climbed the amount of oxygen available was limited. Once they reached a cruising altitude everyone was given a simple maths test, for example sums like 2+6, 15-5, and 4x5. It was simple and my friend quickly completed the task. Once they returned to earth and normal oxygen levels they saw their test responses: 2+6 = 26, 15-5 = 72, 4 x 5 = 600. What had seemed like the right answers to simple questions were actually absurdly wrong!

This is known as hypoxia where the brain and body don't get enough oxygen. Some of the symptoms of hypoxia are fatigue, numbness, confusion, disorientation, behaviour change and from my friend's example, impaired decision making. There are too many Latter-day Saints, young and old, who are in a state of spiritual hypoxia which has happened gradually to the point they don’t realise it. This is a great deception. They have starved themselves of spiritual oxygen by ignoring the small and simple things that bring spiritual influences into their life each day. And in life’s decisions and spiritual decisions they are saying 2 + 6 = 26. It’s plainly incorrect but when you’re in this state you just can’t see it.

Let’s look at some specific questions we can ask ourselves. Are you spending time reading in your scriptures each day or “don’t you have time”? Do you fight and argue with your parents? Are you rude and reactive to your siblings driving the Spirit out of your heart and home? Do you serve in a calling? Do you spend time ministering to others? Do you have a Temple recommend and attend the Temple regularly? Or have you developed habits that keep you from attending the Temple?
Spiritual oxygen won't come into our lives by accident - we need to intentionally participate in activities that surround us with the Spirit. As we breathe deeply and consistently of spiritual oxygen we see things as they really are and develop a deeper connection to God.

Consider also the simplicity but utmost importance of the Sacrament. With this ordinance we make a covenant with Heavenly Father that we will keep the commandments and follow the Saviour. By doing this we are promised that our sins will be forgiven and that we can always have his Spirit to be with us. This is the antidote to spiritual hypoxia! To receive this we promise each week to always remember Him. But in the very meeting where we promise to always remember him, too often we are late, sporadic in attendance, texting, playing games, laughing and completely forgetting the Saviour. If you want to make good decisions in your life, let your weekly Sacrament meeting attendance be a reset and reflection point.

President Nelson said: "In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost. My beloved brothers and sisters, I plead with you to increase your spiritual capacity to receive revelation. Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly."

Let me share some other brief examples of when I have seen the destructive influence of not seeing things as they really are:

• A family experienced the sad loss of a grandparent to a long term illness. The surviving spouse decided to remarry - this is a scenario that has played out in so many families. Rather than embrace the newcomer to the family, some of the family could not bring themselves to love or even be civil to them. These feelings were perpetuated and deepened and for many years children and grandchildren failed to see things as they really were and missed out on the blessings of being a loving, united extended family. Only now are the grandchildren starting to see things as they really are and regret having missed out on years of loving relationships.
• I have seen countless examples where stress has been put on marriages, even to the point of divorce in some cases, because people don’t see things as they really are with their new in laws. It may be a young bride who feels judged by her mother in law or a young groom who thinks his father in law believes he doesn’t measure up to his daughter. I have seen it with brothers in law and sisters in law and the perception of a spouse siding with his or her family more than with his own husband or wife. These are usually scenarios that could be resolved with unconditional love, listening, compassion and clear communication.
• A friend was facing a significant decision and financial investment. I advised a certain course of action, but my friend was set on doing the opposite which I could see would likely end badly and in unhappiness. I had seen my friend make similar poor decisions in the past and I was concerned. Then he said to me “we’ve had a lot of bad luck the past few years. Hopefully our luck will change this time”. He was not seeing things as they really were and blamed his circumstances on bad luck rather than bad choices.
• Satan is the master of telling us things as they really are not and as they really will not be. He will warp out view of our bodies to think we’re too fat, too ugly, too disabled, not good enough, not smart enough, that we’re not worthy, that we’re not worth much, that no one loves us, that we’re alone that there’s no hope.
• One of the great tools he uses to trick us is through comparisons - we compare ourselves with everyone around us and even those on TV and in the movies, who generally lead lives of unhappiness and dysfunction. Comparing is the fast track to unhappiness and poor decisions. As Jeffrey R Holland said: “[God] doesn’t measure our talents or our looks; He doesn’t measure our professions or our possessions. He cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against each other." (The Other Prodigal, General Conference April 2002)
• When we see things as our Heavenly Father sees things then we see them as they really are. When we feel and understand the infinite love He has for us and that the Saviour’s atonement is so very personal to each one of us, we are starting to see things as they really are.

In the Book of Mormon (which was written for our day) there is a tragic case of one man who didn’t see things as they really were and it cost the lives of him and thousands of his friends and fellow men who trusted him. It was Lehonti in Alma chapter 47. Let’s call it the Lehonti Lesson for not seeing things as they really are.

There was a group of Lamanites who feared to go against the Nephites “lest they should lose their lives”. The king of the Lamanites commanded them to go to war against the Nephites but they refused and escaped to the top of a mountain and made Lehonti their leader. Alma 47:6 says “being fixed in their minds with a determined resolution that they would not be subjected to go against the Nephites”. They had their vision and purpose - they would not fight against the Nephites. The king of the Lamanites gave Amalickiah command of his armies to go and get them to fight. Amalackiah sent up messengers to Lehonti asking him to come down and speak with him. Naturally Lehonti wouldn’t dare to do it. A second time the message came and he declined. The third time the message came, with his determined resolution he still wouldn’t go down.

On the fourth time, Amalickiah went up the mountain almost to Lehonti’s camp and invited him to come down just a little way and to bring his guards. Lehonti no doubt rationalised that this was a safe option - what could do wrong? And as he found out Amalickiah had good motives - he wanted to make Lehonti king over all the army and Amalackiah would give all his men over to Lehonti’s command, as long as Lehonti made Amalickiah second in command. Lehonti made a deal with the devil. He knew Amalickiah was dangerous but Amalickiah lulled him into a false sense of security, his deal sounded good and Lehonti stopped seeing things as they really were.

Amalickiah then had his servants "administer poison by degrees to Lehonti that he died” and Amalickiah then had control of the entire army including Lehonti’s men. This is how Satan deceives us - it’s cunning, it’s subtle, it’s deceptive. That’s the very nature of deception - that you don’t know! Otherwise you wouldn’t be deceived. It happens with breaking the commandments and losing your testimony the same way - subtle deception by subtle deception until you are spiritually poisoned. If Amalickiah had offered Lehonti to drink a bottle of poison I doubt he would have agreed! But by agreeing to go down and meet Amalickiah he took the first steps to that happening. Beware of the deception of separating even the smallest decisions and justifications from the consequences. Lehonti stopped seeing things as they really were and it cost him his life.

3. Practice and Get Good At Making Decisions

You may be familiar with the Zode, a character by Dr Zeuss. Here is the story:

Did I ever tell you about the young Zode,

Who came to two signs at the fork in the road?

One said to Place One, and the other, Place Two.

So the Zode had to make up his mind what to do.

Well…the Zode scratched his head, and his chin and his pants.

And he said to himself, “I’ll be taking a chance

If I go to Place One. Now, that place may be hot!

And so, how do I know if I’ll like it or not?

On the other hand though, I’ll be sort of a fool

If I go to Place Two and find it too cool.

In that case I may catch a chill and turn blue!

So, maybe Place One is the best, not Place Two,

But then again, what if Place One is too high?

I may catch a terrible earache and die!

So Place Two may be best! On the other hand though…

What might happen to me if Place Two is too low?

I might get some very strange pain in my toe!

So Place One may be best,” and he started to go.

Then he stopped, and he said, “On the other hand though….

On the other hand…other hand…other hand though…”

And for 36 hours and a half that poor Zode

Made starts and made stops at the fork in the road.

Saying, “Don’t take a chance. No! You may not be right.”

Then he got an idea that was wonderfully bright!

“Play safe!” cried the Zode. “I’ll play safe. I’m no dunce!

I’ll simply start out for both places at once!”

And that’s how the Zode who would not take a chance

Got no place at all with a split in his pants

In the many conversations I have seen we have an abundance of young adults who are doing their best Zode impressions in the various aspect of their lives. You don’t make a decision, you won’t take a chance and you get nowhere at all.

Let me give you some practical pointers for making decisions. Firstly it takes a mindset of being willing to practice making better decisions, faster, knowing that it might be hard and there might be some mistakes along the way. And that’s ok! Most of the decisions we make in life are not fatal or irreversible. Just don’t go breaking the law, commandments or covenants or putting your life in danger - those are poor decisions.

Secondly we should take the advice in Doctrine and Covenants 9:8 “behold I say unto you study it out in your mind;” This is doing our homework. Work it through in your mind and think about the consequences and options. As you’re going through that process ask the Lord to guide your thoughts and impressions. Verse 8 goes on "then you must ask me if it be right…you shall feel that it is right”

Sometimes we get direction very clearly and quickly, but often we don’t. We’ll feel a nudge or an impression or a leaning towards a particular course of action.

Elder David A Bednar said "If you and I would learn to discern the difference between our own emotions and the promptings of the Holy Ghost, then we must come to recognize the Lord’s pattern and process for giving us spiritual knowledge. And the phrase “line upon line, precept upon precept” describes a central feature of the Lord’s pattern. "Most typically we receive a series of seemingly small and incremental spiritual impressions and nudges, which in totality constitute the desired confirmation about the correctness of the path which we are pursuing. Line upon line and precept upon precept.”

We should then follow Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths”. We need to trust the Lord is helping guide and direct us even when the way forward doesn’t seem overwhelmingly clear.  Elder Richard G Scott said "When you are living righteously and are acting with trust, God will not let you proceed too far without a warning impression if you have made the wrong decision.” And there is the key! You need to be living righteously!

And just because we study it out, live righteously and trust the Lord it doesn’t mean that every decision will be a winner. It is part of mortality that we learn through experience - in fact the best learnings of my life have come through experience. A friend once shared in a Sacrament talk the wise adage "Experience is rarely the kindest of teachers, but surely is the best". So be a student of life, and of the experiences of your life and of the decisions you make.

Thirdly when making your decisions tie them back to your highest priorities. Here’s a great person exercise that Elder Richard G Scott suggested asking ourselves:

"What are my highest priorities to be accomplished while on earth? How do I use my discretionary time? Is some of it consistently applied to my highest priorities? Is there anything I know I should not be doing? If so, I will repent and stop it now. In a quiet moment write down your responses. Analyse them. Make any necessary adjustments” (First Things First, General Conference, April 2001)

Fourthly, adjustments may be necessary. As we make decisions and take a particular path we gain new information and insights that we didn’t previously have. How was the Zode to ever know if it was really too high in Place One? He had to start walking there!

In talking to many of you I know you struggle with deciding what to do with study and work. Clayton Christensen a prominent church member and one of the world’s most recognised business thinkers says that we need to have a deliberate strategy. That is a course of action or a decision we make. But that deliberate strategy is not etched in stone forever. As we learn and gain new insight, information and experience what starts to develop is emergent strategy. We then modify the existing strategy and it becomes the new deliberate strategy until it is also replaced by new insights and learning. Our lives should be a constant process of a deliberate strategy that is enhanced and directed by emergent strategy.

I would give some direct advice on decisions about missions. Young Men we have been asked by the Prophet of God to be worthy and to go and serve a two year mission. If you’re 18 or 25 or anywhere in between that counsel applies. So if needed please pray for the desire to change, meet with your Bishop and get yourself worthy. Serving a mission was without doubt the most beneficial and impactful thing I could do for my life at that age. Even twenty years later I still think about my mission almost every day.

You will bless and lift the lives of many others. If you are stuck in a rut of complacency - as some of you have told me your are - then start talking to people about getting out of the rut. Talk to your friend and help each other. And talk to yourself - tell yourself you can do it and that you can do great things. Tell yourself that you are confident and that you make good decisions. I talk to myself all the time when I’m getting ready for the day, have quiet time to myself and when I am driving in the car.

Some young sisters often say that they don’t know whether they should serve a mission. I would suggest: prepare for it, attend mission preparation class, think about it, share the Gospel with others, save your money and plan for it. Then when the time comes that you could go the Lord will direct you (or He will have directed you already) to whether you should go or whether there are other opportunities in your life that you should pursue. A mission is such a wonderful, challenging experience that will bless your entire life, marriage and posterity - why wouldn’t you plan for it and then decide at the right time whether you should go?

Fifthly - if you’re struggling to make decisions it can help to set a date by which you will make it. Make a list of considerations, do your homework, discuss with your parents and leaders, listen to the revelation from the Lord - even if it’s subtle - and then go with what you’re leaning towards. Even if it just feels like 51% in that direction.

After finishing my Arts degree at uni with a psychology major I knew I no longer wanted to be a psychologist. But I had no idea what to do and what I wanted to do. I thought maybe I could do post graduate teaching qualifications. I also had a German teacher who was encouraging me to come back and do Honours in German and I was leaning towards that but I was stumped and the time for a decision was approaching. Then I saw an ad in the newspaper for an information session on a Masters Business degree at Adelaide Uni. I invited my friend and we attended together. I was captivated during the presentation - this is what I wanted to study and learn. It still didn’t lead to a path of any particular career or job, but allowed me to set off on a path that I have been able to learn and discover things that I enjoy doing and that provide for my family. You only learn those things from experience, making decisions and taking action. Inspiration and direction of this nature rarely comes when you're on the couch watching TV or gaming.

 
As you practice making decisions in a timely way and moving forward in your life you will learn to do it better. It’s worth learning now because whilst it seems like you have a lot of big decisions to make now, the decisions get harder and more complex during life. Much of the happiness you experience in life will be dependent on the quality of your decisions. So you will need to form an ambitious vision and mission for your life so you have something to guide your decisions by. You’ll need to see things as they really are and not be deceived and distracted and you’ll need to keep practicing and becoming better at making good decisions. The contentment and peace that comes from having made decisions in the Lord’s way, with the Lord’s help is one of life’s great blessings.

Each new year and decade is filled with the hope and promise of exciting opportunities, new experiences and making changes. I pray that you will have a wonderful year, decade and life ahead.